2

“No, please don’t buy me that!”

Those are words I never would have thought I’d say. Especially over and over again.

Let me explain, my husband and I ran some errands yesterday and out of nowhere he wanted to go to a Verizon store and when we got there he was asking the associate about upgrading my phone to get the iPhone 6 or 6 plus. I told him I don’t really need a new phone and I certainly didn’t want him to pay 200-300 for it. It’s basically just like the one I have size wise just bigger screen (i have iPhone 5). After we left he drove to at&t and again I told him I really don’t need a phone.

He also a few days before this wanted me to go on a shopping spree for just myself… The rules are I can’t buy anything for my daughter or dogs. I think he got mad when I told him I didn’t want or need anything. But it’s true. If I can’t buy anything for my daughter or dogs what else is there to get. Yeah I could buy some shoes but I don’t really go out anywhere and I still have shoes I barely wear. I could buy clothes but again I prefer what I have and nothing has stood out to me.

I know this is his way of showing his appreciation for everything I do and it’s incredibly sweet of him but I just don’t need anything. Who would have thought I’d have to fight off my husband from buying me things. I am perfectly content, actually more than just content, with everything I have.

Am I crazy? A dream wife? Lol

I think I am just so blessed with everything I have now and it’s everything money can’t buy.

#sothankful

0

Brainstorming and Thinking

I found myself in thought as I watched the movie the ‘Legend of Bagger Vance’. It’s a great movie and I’m not a golf fan or know a thing about golf other than the ball goes into the hole. But it’s a great movie because to me the lines in the movie goes beyond golf. I’ve seen this movie several times and I get sucked into each time.

Tonight I find myself thinking about 2015… what will it contain? Will it be full of happiness…. sadness…. struggles…. great bliss and memories. I know its early for thinking about next year but I can’t help it. I blame it on the movie and the fact that I thrive on planning everything… I mean EVERYTHING!

I won’t be using the term ‘New Years Resolution’ because well let’s be real honest I either 1. fail to meet this so called ‘resolution’… it’s a lot of pressure 2. I made it too simple, met it and then realized it’s only February. 3. I forget what my resolution is by May and then it’s ‘Well there is always next year’. 4. they are just plain dumb, in my opinion.

I plan on creating a checklist of things I want to complete in 2015 and also goals/inspirations of how I would like to better myself.

I’m considering for my checklist:

1. fix landscaping areas outside. (I did nothing last spring due to being very pregnant and just didn’t want to do it).

2. organize the home office. (this is pretty much our catch all room… its atrocious. I can’t breathe in this room). The reason it isn’t done is my husband is a borderline hoarder. He doesn’t get rid of anything because even though he hasn’t touched it in the almost 7 years I’ve known him he may need it some day. UGH major pet peeve right here. If he only knew what I’ve cleaned out… ha! The second reason is I can’t decide how I want to organize it. If you are sitting there and you’re a compulsive organizer like myself you know the struggle. Once you think you know how to arrange/organize something and then you look on pinterest and BAM…… a new idea! I have a love/hate relationship with pinterest.

3. the first thing I will probably do is get my 2015 planner and plan out what I can. I can’t believe I don’t have one yet but I just haven’t found one I like. All the planners I’ve found are geared more towards students in school or they are family focused and well it’s just the three of us so we don’t have sporting events/activities/school stuff so these planners are just too cumbersome for me. I need to find a good one that is FUNCTIONAL.

In regards to my goals or inspirations:

I want to be a better wife… a more patient wife. This will be a challenge because my husband is what some would call an instigator/agitator. He loves to pick on me, poke, goof off. I’ve always been more up tight and serious. So you can see how we can butt heads. He loves me more than anything and I definitely reciprocate the feelings but we are very different. When we first met I loved that he was ‘carefree’ and had a ‘sense of humor’. Going into our 7th year together its ‘are you ever serious’ and ‘lazy’. He isn’t really lazy but I don’t see it as being so much ‘carefree’ if that makes any sense. It’s gonna take a constant conscious decision to take a breath and then react.

I want to try to relax more. Not in the sense that I’m so busy but more relax because I’m an anxious person by nature. I want to make the conscious decision to not get so wound up about anything and everything. This alone could help with the above goal of being a better wife.

To continue improving myself. Nothing to strict but I want to continue to increase my gym time and focus on what I eat and how much I consume.

Over the next week or so I’m sure I will continue adding to the list and altering some items. I’ll post it somewhere I see every day so I can keep myself accountable. Good news= the deadline isn’t January 1 2015 but December 31 2015!

I leave you with one (of many) favorite quote from the movie: “Yep, right here is where this game is won, right here on the green…first you got to see it…Sun gonna be there in the morning, over there in the afternoon…funny thing is the blades of grass are gonna flow with the sun…the green is gonna shift…that same putt is gonna go one way in the morn’in ta’other in the afternoon. One way in the morn’in ta’other in the afternoon, you see dat. Yaa…golf course put folk through quite a punishment…it lives and breathes just like us.” –Bagger Vance

2

Tears of joy

Tonight has been a great night! Baby asleep… House clean…. Husband working late… Catching up on all my shows that are in too late for me. And by “too late” I mean 9pm. #thestruggleisreal

All of a sudden I came across a picture of my daughter Carolina from July roughly 6 weeks old and I just started crying; and I don’t mean the pretty cry, but down right ugly cry. It all hit me like a ton of bricks that:
1. She’ll never be that little again. I wish I could keep her little forever!!!!!
2. I almost don’t remember that day. This might make me the most sad because it’s only been 5 months since July and I already feel like I’m forgetting some things. What will it be like when she is 1, 10, 20?
3. How much I love her. The word love doesn’t even have the same meaning after her.
4. How lucky I am to spend everyday with her. I read a sad story today about a 3 year old who passed away and it broke my heart. Even though I don’t know that family, and they don’t know me, I cried for those parents. I can’t imagine what they feel. The scary thing I can’t help but think is their story could happen to anyone at anytime. Therefore I don’t take one minute for granted with my family and I love that I get to spend my days with my daughter.

My heart was just bursting with emotion. I don’t know if motherhood had been good for me or not because I’m so emotional all the time. Something still very new to me.

I love this little girl and can’t believe the changes in only a few months.

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0

Fancy Dinner… Red Wine…. A Night out with my husband

Well I did it! After almost 7 months my husband and I went out to dinner without baby! I was anxious all day leading up to when we left. Okay, actually I was anxious the whole week leading up to it. Sounds crazy I know. My parents were coming up to visit and to bring the gifts they got for Carolina. They have been trying to get me out of the house for months. I just wasn’t ready but I knew I would have to eventually. My husband’s work Christmas party is next Friday so I figured I would use this past Saturday as a test run of how I would do. At this time, I’m only comfortable leaving her with my mom because she has been around Carolina the most outside of my husband and I. My mom also knows our schedule so I knew she would keep her on track. Next Friday I won’t leave until she is in bed and my brother will basically house sit while we’re out. I only texted my parents once to see how she went down because it was the first time I missed that.

I thought about her the whole time but I was able to carry on some adult conversations. I also had 2 glasses of wine (the most I’ve had in over a year). The hardest part was not being here to put her to bed. It was the first time since she was born that I didn’t put her to bed. I didn’t like missing that. We were out for 2.5 hours and that was long enough. I was ready to come home. 1. I missed my baby 2. I had 2 glasses of red wine and was noticing the effects.

I know my parents enjoyed that time with her as they love her so much. It’s so great to see how excited they get over her. My baby fell asleep without any fuss as normal so I’m thankful to know that she did great! I survived but I also felt the happiest when we got home and I was back where I belong. I love taking care of my family. It’s exhausting, thankless work. My husband doesn’t always thank me for cleaning up all the toys at the end of the day, making sure the laundry is done and ready for his work week, that I have the coffee already scheduled to start in the morning. But I know he appreciates what I do and that is all I need. My daughter sleeps sound at night and is happy ‘most’ of the day so I know I’m doing right by her as well. I don’t need a fancy meal, or extended time away to revive me…. I’m perfectly content with my days right here in this house that we have and are continuing to make a home. A home, full of memories and love! The kind of place I’m so very proud of.

4

Love-Hate Relationship

Warning: this is most likely gonna be a rant of sorts.

I love my daughter. I love being a mother. I love my husband. I love our life.

I hate my body post pregnancy. I hate that I can’t feel her move inside me. I hate that my stomach isn’t like it used to be (it wasn’t perfect before but it was smaller and tighter). I hate that sometimes there is this hollow feeling in my stomach. I hate I couldn’t breastfeed longer. I hate that now my breasts aren’t as perky.

Just like everyone I have good days and I have bad days. Today is definitely the latter. There is a part of me that thinks this is normal and it’s only been 6 months since I had her and it took 9 months to have her. But the unrealistic side of my brain has had enough. I have been going to the gym a couple times a week but I usually work out around my husband’s work schedule. But I think I’m gonna have to start going after I put the baby to bed.

I gotta do something. And it’s gonna be for me.

Okay rant over.

5

We survived… Time for some Christmas cheer!!!

Wow I feel like I’m just getting settled back home from being away for thanksgiving. I have a feeling I’m going to be saying the same thing about Christmas in no time.

We survived our baby’s first stomach bug. What an exhausting week. It was 6 days of her not feeling well and boy oh boy did I worry constantly about her. She was a trooper. You wouldn’t even know she felt bad until you had to change her diaper. Ugh those diapers…. Nothing prepared me for that! We had to disassemble her car seat at one point and wash everything. Poor girl! Glad she is doing much better!

Christmad time is finally here! I wish it could be more than a month of celebrating! Christmas has also been a time of traditions and memories of my childhood and now that I have my own child I think it may be even more fun! Granted she is just 6 months old and has no clue what is going on I guess these memories are for me. I am however, finding it difficult to let go of some of my old family traditions so that my new little family can create our own. It’s bittersweet. But I am excited to build memories with my husband and daughter. I’m still trying to find out what our ‘thing’ will be.

For the past six years I’ve slowly been trying to convert my husband into a Christmas junkie too. I’m not sure if I am succeeding in this goal or if I’m just driving myself crazy. This year with Carolina he doesn’t seem to be resisting as much, so many she is the answer to getting him to love the holidays. It’s not that he’s the grinch but he just didn’t grow up with family traditions and have those warm memories. He had the most pathetic tree… A Charlie Brown tree he would put in his kitchen table and that would be the extent of his decorating. When I came into the picture I told him it’s a real tree only or this thing wasn’t going to work. 🙂 (ahhhh the smell of pine) needless to say we’ve had a real tree ever since. The deal also included if/when we had kids that we’d have to go to a Christmas tree farm for our tree. I’m sure he will be dressing like Santa clause in no time. Ok, well maybe not that far.

My granny started a collection of nutcrackers in 1992 and I’ve received at least 1 every year since. I think I have over 30. My husband just shakes his head when I bring them out!! I haven’t decided what to start collecting for Carolina! Our house looks like it threw up Christmas decorations. I have multiple kinds of Christmas candles going on daily in a rotation. Even my dogs have Christmas collars!

This Christmas I am looking forward to getting out tree, writing to Santa Claus, sitting in Santa’s lap, baking my annual cookies, sending our Christmas cards (isnt it sad that mailing Christmad cards is like a dying tradition. My family used to decorate the house with the cards we got), I’m sure there is more we will do this season! I hope to capture as much as I can!

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season with those you love!!!