The baby honeymoon has ended in my household over the last several months and I’m just coming to realize it.
When I delivered my daughter I saw a side of my husband I simply didn’t know existed. He was amazing while I was in the hospital. I ended up needing a c-section so I was limited on what I could do those first few days. My husband did everything, without complaint. He took care of me when I had to get up, showering, basically anything that involved me standing up or bending over. He changed diapers, held our daughter as she slept, helped me figure out how to nurse her. Even when he could sleep he didn’t because he was constantly checking on our daughter. He also had to come home periodically to take care of my two dogs.
He had tears in his eyes everyday that week. He said when he would run home he would cry leaving us. I was in complete awe of this man. I never knew of this man and I fell in love with him all over again.
Now fast forward to today. He leaves an empty bag on the table (when the trash can is right next to him), he will hand me something to put I the dirty cloths bin when he is in the same room as the laundry, he hasn’t cooked a meal in I don’t know how long, or cleaned anything. This was the man I was used to.
Now since I stay at home I have no problem cooking, doing laundry, cleaning. You’ll probably think I’m weird but I actually enjoy this work. I’m a little OCD so cleaning is therapeutic to me. I don’t ask him nor expect him to take care of all these things. Somehow, I feel like I’m a bad wife now that I’ve become a mother.
I am pretty obsessed with my daughter and I absolutely love being a mother. Even through screaming fits, sleepless nights, teething, EVERYTHING, I love being a mom. I think I’m a good mother. I don’t mean to brag or boast, I just feel comfortable with being a mother… It feels natural, so I feel like I give her my best.
At the same time, while I’m being a good mother I’m also being a bad wife because I’m constantly getting aggravated by my husband. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to let my opinions fly out of my mouth whether I want them to or not… Even when I know I should just keep my mouth shut…I don’t listen. Therefore, I let my husband know I’m aggravated, and do so often.
I don’t even know why I get so aggravated by him. He hasn’t changed. But then maybe I have. As soon as I give him a piece of my mind I immediately want to rewind time and not say anything. Sometimes I get aggravated because I’m aggravated and I know there isn’t a good reason to be, which is really upsetting. Yet, I am too prideful to admit that to him so I just go along and stay annoyed. I guess the best way to explain it is that I feel like I’m at the peak of PMS and literally the sound of someone breathing ticks you off and you know it’s dumb to be this annoyed but you don’t care you’re annoyed nonetheless (sorry men, I know you can’t relate to that one).
I love my husband more then I could ever explain. Forever simply isn’t long enough for us to be together. I’m so lucky to have a daughter with him. I’m sooooo thankful he has given me the opportunity to stay home with our daughter. I love my life. I feel bad that sometimes I act so unappreciative for everything I have, but I don’t know how to not get annoyed with some of the things he does (or doesn’t do).
I’m sure it doesn’t help that we are both very sarcastic people and have used our dry sense of humor in our relationship since the beginning. I think that isn’t working anymore and it’s taking some adjustment. I’m also the person who will keep a lot of my real feelings in and not want to talk about them until I understand them and he always wants everything to be okay all the time. As you can imagine, that combination doesn’t quite work well together sometimes.
I want to work on not only being a good mother but also a better wife. My husband and I are the best of friends and our love is so comfortable. I think we just need to figure out how to be husband/wife AND daddy/mommy at the same time.