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Our Favorite Christmas Holiday to Date!

Another Christmas is in the books and it was one to remember for sure. This was the first Christmas where Carolina recognized Santa and began to understand more and more about the holiday! She loved seeing my parents and having daddy home so much for the holiday! Lots of people to play with!

Everything was Elsa and Anna! Her favorite gifts were the Frozen snow globe my parents got her that sings ‘Let It Go’ (loudly may I add) I think we’ve heard it at least a million times already. Fortunately, I have found that if I tell her something needs to charge then her world doesn’t end when we don’t play with/use it for a while. Her other favorite gift was her Elsa barbie doll. It was the last gift I picked up for her because I figured she has all the other Princess barbie dolls she just needed the Elsa one too. Of course she keeps looking for Anna; (should have known that was important since they are always together). Every time she plays with the doll or snow globe she has to watch Frozen, or what she calls ‘Let It Go’. She got some great things this year, more of ‘big girl’ toys. She got a Minnie Mouse kitchen with accessories, a Nursery station so she can take care of her baby while mommy takes care of her sister in a few months. She also got an art table that has a white board and table to color on with storage. She has already used it many times. Her other gifts included play doh, coloring books, clothes, books, and smaller tinker type toys.

I also had a pretty good Christmas as well. I got a pregnancy massage that I can’t wait to use. A lot of kitchen accessories, which I LOVE!

It’s always sad when Christmas is over and this year is especially bittersweet because it will be the last Christmas with it being just the three of us! I can’t wait to bring home her sister and be a family of four but part of me is a little sad that Carolina will have to share/split the attention with her sister from now on. As sad as I am about the holiday season being over I have been a little distracted because Carolina came down with a fever Saturday night and some congestion. She’s a trooper and it didn’t seem to damper her Christmas. Took her to the dr yesterday and she has a left ear infection as well as a respiratory virus (that seems like everyone has right now). I feel like I’m counting down the minutes until I come down with it next. Fortunately, the dr gave her some medicine so I’m hoping in a day or two she’ll start to feel better.

As 2016 comes to a close I feel blessed that my family has been able to have more highs than lows and that we are all very excited to see what 2017 has in store (particularly in April when our second daughter is due to make her arrival)!

 

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Happy Mother’s Day 

Yesterday was my first mothers day since my daughter was born.  I found it to be a very emotional day.

I’m so blessed to celebrate my first mothers day with my daughter. I don’t see this as a day for me but for her and I! Becoming a mother has been everything I expected and so much more. My heart is so full with love and I have found this peace and completeness in my soul that I wasn’t expecting. Before I had her the thought of dying meant that everything stopped there; my story is over. After having her, I don’t feel that way. She carries on my story and will continue on long after I’m gone. There is something very comforting in that. At the same time, having a child has made me realize how precious life is and that I hope to not miss a minute of her growing up. By becoming a mother I’ve discovered fears I didn’t know I had and a love that I just didn’t know existed. My lifetime simply isn’t enough to fully express what Carolina means to me. I love being able to spend all my days with her.

Becoming a mother also gives me a greater appreciation for my own mother and I thank her immensely for everything she had taught me. I have a great role model for motherhood.

I’ve mentioned before that being a mom is a lot of guess work and thinking on your toes… I may not always know the right thing to do but everyday I get up and try to be the best mom I can be and create memories that will last her and I a lifetime.

I spent the day with my daughter and I couldn’t imagine doing anything different. She makes every day so much fun. We didn’t do much but we spent the day as a family; which in the big scheme of things is the best gift/present I could get.

My husband took me to lunch and to get sushi of all things so I was very excited about that! I gorged myself on sushi and left ready for a nap; which all of us did! 🙂

While we were at lunch I could tell others were there celebrating mothers day as well. It hit me at that moment, that I was part of this ‘club’; the club of mothers. Yes, I have celebrated mothers day with my mom every year that I can remember…but this was the first time I got to experience it as a mother myself. In years past, especially after getting married and wanting a baby for so long, mothers day was more of a reminder that I wasn’t a mother. Selfishly it felt like a slap in the face in a way. That isn’t to say that I didn’t appreciate showing my mother some extra love and attention on mothers day, but if you have ever been in the position of wanting a child for so long and not thinking it was going to happen for you, holidays are hard. Especially holidays like mothers day, fathers day, etc.

Finally, I got my blessing and she is everything I prayed for. I think about her and I could cry such happy tears. I have thanked God every day since I found out I was pregnant and every day since she was born for her.

Her smile is everything! Her whole life lights up; and I hope she never loses that!

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To all the mothers, mothers to be, step moms, dads who play the moms role as well, everyone that cares for a child, I hope you had a great mothers day!

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5 Kisses for You!

My favorite spot in my home (quite possibly the planet) is my glider in my daughters room.

Bedtime for my daughter has become by far one of my favorite times. I’m sure I’ve written about it (maybe even a few times) before. I’m not counting the struggle it is to get her pjs on part; but the rocking part. I’ve always been very strict with her bedtime routine and for almost 11 months now we haven’t changed it. The great part of that is she sleeps through the night and is pretty happy most of the day. The down side is sometimes life tries to interfere and makes the ritual more challenging due to outings, family visits, trips, etc. When we don’t follow the plan she doesn’t sleep so well through the night.

But when I’m rocking her to sleep it is just heaven. It’s dark, calm, and quiet. We use a sound machine set to the noise of rain. I also use a fan in her room pointed away from her so that there is air flow through the night. But for the most part it is quiet. I find myself so relaxed at that moment. It may have been a stressful day and maybe when I’m done putting her to bed my stressful day will continue; but for that moment in time I am at peace. I don’t know if I’ve ever really felt that feeling before. Pure, honest peace. It’s quite nice I must say. I don’t worry about who may be texting/calling, what’s on tv, the endless list of chores I still have to do. I honestly think about nothing other than how happy I am to be in that moment. I get to feel this way every day!

On to the topic of this blog entry; 5 kisses.

Every night while I’m rocking my daughter to sleep I give her 5 kisses before I lay her down to bed. Here’s why:
1. A kiss from me; mommy!
2. A kiss from daddy!
3. A kiss from her grandparents, because they live far away from us and I know if they were here they’d kiss her goodnight!
4. A kiss from everyone who never got the chance to meet her! This one I hold dear to me because I always seem to think of my granny when I’m rocking her. How I wish she was still alive to see her, hold her, and love her. I know she is watching over her and me but it’d still be nice to have her here physically. Maybe she is with us in that moment because I seem to always think of her. At least I’d like to think that. In addition to my granny, I wish my husbands sister could still be here to meet her niece as well. I never got to meet her but from pictures they look alike in many ways. This kiss is for them and all our other family members who are no longer with us.
5. An extra kiss; because there is no reason to stop at 4! I guess it’s my way of finishing out our wonderful day and for her to sleep well.

I have done this every night for as long as I can remember. When she is older I will continue this and I’ll tell her all about why I kiss her 5 times before bed. Since becoming a mom I truly appreciate the little, simple things in everything because it’s all those little things that end up being so big in meaning!

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So much to be thankful for/happy 6 months

I don’t know just where to begin. I’ve had such an amazing holiday weekend. Having my daughter here had made the holidays brighter. So excited about Christmas! We didn’t do anything major just came down to Indy to stay at my parents house. They adore their granddaughter. My brother came down and we actually celebrated thanksgiving on Friday because my brother is a Firefighter and had to work on Thursday. This was actually really nice since we weren’t rushed getting down to Indy on Thursday.

My baby girl also turned 6 months old. She’s becoming such a fun little girl. Interacting with me and others more. Always laughing and babbling on about something. When she sleeps she’s breathtaking.

Over the past month she has started to do the following:
Makes gurgle sound
Loves oatmeal
Pushes herself up very well
Laughs at everything
No more bald spots
‘sings’ herself to sleep
Recognizes daddy when he gets home

We got her 6 month winter/christmas theme pictures on Saturday. I’m so impatient to get them. We ended up being there for 2 hours and did 7 or 8 outfits. Wowza. The photographer took over 300 pictures. So stoked.

As we steer packed up and ready to head home I’m torn because I hate leaving my parents house but it will be nice to have our old routine back.

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I hope everyone out there in blog world had a wonderful holiday and safe travels wherever you went!!

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The Gift

It’s that time of year when I get sucked into Lifetime and Hallmark’s holiday movies. I re-watch all my favorites as well as look forward to the new ones. This year is different from previous ones because it is as if I’m watching the movies through a new pair of eyes… the eyes of a mother. Most of the time this fact is a wonderful one and gets me so excited about the holidays and the traditions that my family will have. Unfortunately, the movies that aren’t so fun to watch are the sad stories about losing a loved one or even worse a sick child. I can cry just reading the descriptions of the movies. I never thought about those events before becoming a mother, so watching it unfold on tv it gives you that image that you don’t want to imagine.

There was a movie on today called ‘The Ultimate Gift’. It was about how this man is forced to complete 12 life-changing tasks before he can receive his inheritance from his rich grandfather that recently died. In the middle of him completing these tasks he befriends a young girl with leukemia and her mother who is dealing with all that having a sick child entails. I know that this is a movie and these are characters played by actors but I’m aware that somewhere, there is a family experiencing these struggles for real; and that breaks my heart completely. I can’t imagine the pain involved. I can’t imagine the strength that these children have to face such horrible illnesses. I can’t imagine the strength of the parents to keep a smile on their face for their child and possibly more children at home. I can’t imagine being the medical staff having to share such difficult news. I don’t know if I would be that strong faced with these situations and I hope I never have to find out.

This story line hits close to home but not in the way you would think. I never got to meet my husbands sister who battled her own illness. I don’t know the whole story as this is ( and understandably so) still hard for my husband to talk about. I would never want to cause or remind him of this pain by asking questions. Throughout our relationship I have learned bits and pieces about her; her amazing strength; and the life she had from him, his parents, and other relatives. My husband constantly thinks about our daughter and he will ask me constantly if she is napping or even really quiet if she is okay. I go and check in; to ease his mind. Part of me thinks this is in part of what he went through when he was younger. At first, I didn’t understand why he was so adamant about checking. The first week she was born and after we brought her home he would ask me “is she still breathing” every time she was sleeping. It later dawned on me what could be making him so worried; from then on I don’t make a big deal about it… I just go in and check. It takes a couple seconds to do.

While watching this movie I’m reminded of a gift that we received after my daughter was born. It’ll be a moment I hope I never forget. As I’ve mentioned before my daughter was born on May 27th @ 8:32am. She was the first girl born that day… Actually the first baby that day. A few hours after she was born there was a knock on our door; a nurse entered with a gift bag. At first I thought maybe a family or friend stopped by but that wasn’t the case. The nurse explained that a lady stopped by earlier with this gift for the first girl born on May 27th. She didn’t leave a name. I opened the gift and inside was a beautiful little dress outfit and a card.

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My mom read the card. My mom explained that 17 years ago she delivered twins (boy & girl) on May 27th. Sadly,her daughter didn’t make it and for the past 17 years she always drops off a gift to be given to the first girl born on May 27th. What a moving way to honor her daughter. I was so touched by her story but I was so emotional from everything I wasn’t quite ready to read her words in that card just yet. I finally read the card after I got home from the hospital. It was touching; I cried and hugged my daughter extra tight. I can’t imagine her pain. My daughter has wore this out quite a few times and each time I put it on her I think of that women and her words. I always give my daughter one more extra hug.

I’ll never get rid of that dress. I’ll always hold that moment dear to my heart.

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Trick or treat

The trick:
Tonight’s weather was much more a trick than a treat! It felt like high 20s with 30 mph wind and some snow!!!! Ugh snow!!!!!

We didn’t go out due to weather. It was worth risking my baby’s health. So we just got her dressed up and took some pictures. I also facetime my parents of course. We facetime daily!

The treat: I’m so glad I didn’t spend crazy dollars on an infant costume. I looked and debated on it but just couldn’t bring myself to pay for it. I’m sure we will have plenty of years of buying the “it” costume of the year. Plus I think simple costumes are cute.

Without further ado here is my little beanie baby…

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She had fun and just laughed and laughed! My heart is happy!!

How did your Halloween go? Hopefully those with older children had better weather and was able to get lots of candy!!

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I made a human…. WHAT?!?!

As I rocked my baby before I put her to bed something hit me like a ton of bricks. I made her! Every inch of her, every part of her being, I made her (with a little help from her daddy). I carried her inside of me. She never existed before and there will never be no one else like her. Even as I typed that last sentence it amazes me how true that is. How incredible is that? I certainly did something right! I’m so in love with her!

from our walk today!

I mean I knew I was pregnant and I know what happens when a female is pregnant; I’ve seen the movie ‘The Miracle of Life’ which was made in the early 80s. I think all I really took away from it was the ‘fashion’ (if you can call it that) the adults were wearing… oh my! You know you agree with this. I think during my whole pregnancy it was never real to me. I guess I thought I’d just go to the hospital the doctor would come in, I’d deliver, and from around the corner my baby would appear. You know the stork carries the baby to the hospital room. HA! Seriously though, it amazes me what the female body can do. What we are capable of. How beautiful. I kind of want to be pregnant again, and again, and again. Okay I’m not sure about 3 more times… but definitely again.

All of this made me think of a quote I’ve read probably a thousand times when I was pregnant; “No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you’re the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.” I remember thinking ‘aww, how cute’. It was just this sweet saying but I didn’t understand the full meaning until the days since she was born. Her and I have this bond that no one else can have, take, understand. How special. It truly is an honor that I got to be this little girls mom. I hope there is never a day that she questions my love for her. I hope I can set the foundation where she always feels at ease in communicating whatever life is throwing at her. I’m here for her. I’m not her friend.. (yet), I am her mother. We may not always agree and to be honest like each other but I’ll always have an ear to listen to her stories, a shoulder for her to cry on, and a hand to help her up if she ever falls. I will always love her.

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I have also noticed that when I get overwhelmed with emotions about my daughter, I always think about my mother and all she did for us. I wish there was a way I could have known then what I know now; I would have expressed my gratitude with her more back then. As many teenage daughters and mothers disagree; we had some rough years. I wish I could take those back. I now understand why my mom did what she did, said what she said. (Let’s not tell her that 🙂 but I get it…thanks mom).

There hasn’t been a day gone by that when I feel so much love and emotions for my own daughter that I also don’t feel such appreciation for my own mom. Her and I have the same bond my daughter and I have. You always hear about Fathers and Daughters… I say lets also make Mothers and Daughters worth talking about! 🙂 4734100_f520Amen!!