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Christmas and baby talk

Toddler down for a nap (down but not asleep…yet), Face mask on my face (let’s hope it makes my skin radiant as the package claims),  & flashback music from the 90s on the tv…. let’s hope I have a chance to write down what has been going on lately. It hasn’t been almost a year since my last post so I’m at least improving. There is a glimmer of hope that I keep up with writing about my family and about my journey through motherhood.

I honestly can’t believe Christmas is next Sunday!?!? Where did 2016 go? I’m not ready for 2017 to come and go so quickly. I simply love the season after Halloween until New Years; I look forward to it every year. I don’t know why exactly why I cherish this time but I would bet that it is because of all the traditions I remember from my childhood (that I truly don’t think I always appreciated at the time) and beginning new traditions as well as carrying on those old traditions with my little family that is growing! I don’t know why it seems we save all our big traditions for this time of year instead of spreading some out throughout the year but maybe as our kids get older there will be other traditions throughout the year to look forward to. I would also say that the decorations for fall and Christmas is my absolute favorite too… the smells, the colors, just everything!

After New Years I usually go through a little bit of a funk that it’s all over and it is back to normal everyday life. Fortunately, this year we have something to keep up excited throughout 2017; welcoming our new baby girl! That’s right, we are having another girl! I couldn’t be more excited about it! I, as with pretty much everyone we knew, figured we were having a boy! Another girl just feels right! It also makes things a tad bit easier getting ready for her arrival. I saved so much of Carolina’s clothes, toys, blankets, accessories, etc… that can all just go to our new bundle of joy!

I will be 24 weeks next week and this pregnancy just seems to be flying by and for the most part I feel great! So different than my last pregnancy when I was nauseous 24/7 and was really exhausted. I think keeping up with going to the gym, eating at home, and not working has really made a difference. The main thing I suffer from is what seems to be a gag reflex to smells; which I didn’t have with Carolina, and I have a little bit more heartburn earlier this time around. This baby girl isn’t breach like Carolina was so I am feeling more kicks and tossing/turning around. That is a fun part but sometimes can almost take my breath away with how much she moves. Looks like I’ll have two active girls in the near future. That should help me keep in shape a bit!

I still worry about Carolina adjusting to having a sibling, especially a sister. She is very attached to me so I hope she adjusts somewhat quickly and doesn’t feel like she will get less of my attention or love. I wanted a sister growing up so it’ll be so fun watching them grow up together; the bond they will have, the fights, etc. I hope they will remain lifelong best friends.

April can’t get here soon enough! I’m ready to meet her!

Well I hope I’m ready for the challenge ahead of me!

 

 

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Where did I go?…. excuses & announcements!

Holy smokes! What a year it has been since my last post. It’s hard to believe it’s basically been that long.

So much has happened and changed since I last wrote anything I don’t know if I can update on everything or just start over and go from there.

I’ll try to give the cliff notes version of what has happened and updates on past year.Basically why I mainly disappeared is that both of our laptops took a crap about a week apart from each other. I tried using our iPad and iPhone but typing like that was just unbelievably difficult for me to do (I know the whole world uses them but I’m still an old-fashioned Windows kind of girl), I prefer typing on a keyboard. The other reason for not keeping up with things is because well my daughter keeps me busy and I got lazy (the MAIN reason). 1 nap a day is sometimes not enough time for me to take mommy time.

Who would have guess fixing 1 of our laptops was as easy as exchanging the batteries since one of them was junk. I, embarrassingly, thought about exchanging the batteries today for the first time…why are the simplest tasks somehow take the longest to complete or think of.

Anyways, here I am. I hope to do a better job finishing up 2016 into 2017 with writing more. I enjoy it. Even though I don’t think I have that much talent when writing or organizing my thoughts. I find my mind just bouncing around thoughts and ideas; my posts may be hard to follow or not flow from one to another.

Family Update #1: My Daughter

My last post I mentioned my daughter was around 12 months old and entering the ‘terrible two’ stage. Well,now she is almost 2 1/2 and even more sassy; except now she can use her words more which I’m not sure is better or worse than just fussing. I still try to pick my battles but I feel like she picks a battle with me about EVERYTHING! Mothers should be able to get an injection of patience because I need TONS more than what I have currently. She’s outspoken, full of energy, thinks she is so independent regarding everything…. and she’s absolutely beautiful and I couldn’t possibly love anyone more than I do her.

I wish I would have kept up with writing over the past year because she has grown so much and as I’m writing this I find myself disappointed that I let that time slip by without jotting down my thoughts and memories. Her 2nd birthday was such a great day; she LOVED her Minnie party. We took so many trips to our local zoo where she was able to do more and more with each visit. All the family visits we had… I wish I would have written about those to look back on later. Maybe I can write future posts allowing myself to reminisce about those events.

Family Update #2: We’re growing!

As much as I hope to do a better job with writing in 2017 I’m not sure I’ll be so great at it as we found out in late July that we are expecting our 2nd baby! We are beyond thrilled (and slightly terrified) about the news!

I think my husband and I figured it would take years to add to our family as it took 3+ years to have our daughter, but I guess once your body knows how to do it it’s a little more prepared! ha. We are due early April.

This pregnancy I think will FLY by as I’m already into my second trimester and sometimes I even have to remind myself I’m pregnant because this pregnancy is sooo different from my last. Morning sickness (which consisted of just nausea) only lasted a couple of weeks. Fatigue is a real thing but I think that is probably more from having a very active toddler and no coffee (I miss my coffee in the mornings and I look forward to a venti iced americano as soon as I can get one).

The only drawback so far is that I’ve been battling a cold (stuffy nose, clogged ears, frustrating cough) for almost 2 months now with little relief. I don’t know what it feels like to breath out of my nose it’s been so long. If anyone who may be reading this I’m open to anything that may help with it… I’m so over it!

I’m sure many of my upcoming posts will be about our upcoming arrival and how we are planning for him/her.

Health & Fitness Update:

I am still trying to make it to the gym as much as possible. I was going 5-6 days a week prior to getting pregnant but have backed down to 3-4 days a week. Being sick hasn’t helped and the morning sickness stopped me for a while. My focus this pregnancy is to go regularly as I just stopped going during my last pregnancy. My daughter actually goes to the kids room and enjoys it most days so that helps a lot with staying on a regular schedule.

With being pregnant I’m not trying to lose weight, max out new 1RM; but I’m focusing on maintaining the lifestyle and stay healthy throughout pregnancy so that hopefully after the baby is born it won’t be a hard transition back into like it was last time.

My workouts these days last about 45 minutes and I typically burn 250-400 calories per session. In comparison, before pregnancy my workouts took about an hour or so and was burning minimum of 500 calories per session.

Once I can get back to the more intense workouts I will work back to my old 1RM with my bench (150#), squat(235#), and deadlift(225#). Looking forward to getting back.

I think all of the above updates on all the major aspects of what has been going on. I hope to dedicate at least 1 day a week to take the time to write and get back on track with things that I’ve been wanting to do/write.

 

 

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Holy Tantrums! ….

Someone should warn you when your child is around 12 months old that the ‘terrible two’ stage doesn’t mean that it starts when your child is two. My daughter is now 17 months and for last few weeks I’ve noticed a change in her tantrum outbursts.

Before she would get upset for reasonable things….stumble…I left the room… sleepy….etc. But now she will have a complete meltdown for apparently no reason at all. She wants a fork instead of the spoon. She doesn’t want to eat what I gave her. She wants to play with another toy. She can’t see the plane in the sky anymore. I’m left like “whoa child…. it’s not that deep”. I haven’t given into her demands (I don’t think sometimes I try to get her to pay attention to something else instead of the catastrophic event that just occurred to her). Sometimes I wonder if giving her even that kind of attention to distract her is feeding into her need for attention. I’m actually still unsure how I want to handle these tantrums. I want to be consistent in what I do but I wasn’t prepared to start thinking about this so soon! I thought I had a few more months!

I’ve read a lot into the subject and nothing has quite felt like how I would want to deal with it. My mom tells me to lightly ‘pop’ her to get her attention but I feel that doing so 1. teaches her to hit to get the response she wants 2. she’s already upset so I’m not sure how that will help. 3. I’m not quite comfortable with that. I know I was never really spanked as a kid but I know my mom gave my brother and I a few little poppings; and I turned out alright. lol

A lot of articles say to explain to the child what happened and the desired outcome I would like. UM that’s perfect in theory but have you ever tried to calmly explain anything to an upset 17 month old? Not realistic at this stage in her development. I do talk to her but I do it more because I talk to her and explain to her everything that is going on in her environment- I explain why we are getting dressed; what I’m cooking for lunch; etc.

I’ve also read about using a ‘time out’ for tantrums. Again, I can see how that could work for a child a little older but I don’t think my child is ready for that concept fully. I guess I have been up to this point doing a version of time out. When she starts to throw a fit where she flings her arms and legs (oh and the head banging… really child? so unnecessary; she has a flair for the dramatic flair) I will lay her down on the floor where she can’t get into anything or hurt herself then I’ll step back a bit and let her just have it out. I will watch her but I won’t give her the attention to feed into the tantrum. Eventually after a couple of minutes she will get up and come over to get in my lap. If she is still trying to throw a fit I put her back into the spot. Only if she comes to me calmer will I pick her up and hold her; and then talk to her.

Meal times are also becoming a lot more frustrating over the past several weeks. Sometimes I even find myself dreading it. She has been feeding herself with a spoon and fork for a while now which is great….sometimes. But now I can’t feed her without a fit and sometimes it would be easier, quicker, and not to mention CLEANER if I could just feed her so we can get on with going somewhere or if we are on a time crunch. I hate when she starts to throw a fit while eating because I don’t want her to choke on any food. I try to feed her what I cook for my husband and I but she is so finicky about new things that sometimes I don’t know if I should just give her that or if she doesn’t seem to like it give her something that I know she will like. I don’t want to create a habit of making essentially two meals but I also don’t want to force her to eat something she doesn’t like. Can we just go back to when she was drinking formula and that was all that required… lol! kidding! Well maybe a little serious.

I haven’t gotten to the point of pure frustration with her because I have been able to remind myself that this is a normal stage, she is still a baby even though she thinks she is so independent, and this is her way of communicating some of her feelings. So I know this is all a stage and it too will pass but I feel a little unprepared for it and I don’t want to be inconsistent in my actions with her so I’m hoping we find a groove soon. Granted I know that’s when she will start a whole new phase!

Until next time…. props to all the moms (and dads) out there going through similar situations! Parenting by far is the hardest thing I’ve ever done!

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walking….talking…. and not listening!

I live in a household with my husband, daughter, my black lab, and golden retriever. They all love me but they certainly don’t listen to me! Maybe I missed the memo that informed me that the words NO, DON’T, STOP, mean something different to these four creatures.I spend 90% of my day saying No, Stop, Don’t do that, Eh Eh! and then the other 10% is repeating those words! I think the most infuriating one is my husband; I mean he is an adult, right?!?! How can I expect the dogs and child to listen when he doesn’t! I know I’m not the only wife and mother who has felt that way so that thought helps!!

My daughter is now 17 months old and I am simply astonished at how fast she picks things up and makes associations with things. Her and I spend basically all day talking, singing, dancing, learning. It is so much fun to see her enjoy learning new things. To her I don’t think she realizes that is what we are even doing. I try to make it fun (usually at my own expense… I’m so glad no one can see or hear me throughout the day making up dances and songs). She has 37 words in her vocabulary, she knows 6 shapes, she can identify 6 shapes, and knows 14 animal sounds.

She is becoming so much more independent or so she thinks she is. I would love to let her walk around but she hasn’t quite grasped the concept of ‘walk this way’ or ‘come here’. Therefore it is easier for me to carry her to the car or to her bedroom, etc. My lovely husband hasn’t figured this out and lets her walk, then when it’s time to pick her up and actually go where we were originally headed she throws a fit…. then guess who gets her… MOI! I know she has to learn by doing and I’m fine with that but I tend to pick better times to allow her to ‘learn’… for example when its not meal time or when we need to go somewhere. She’s feisty and I think we are going to be in trouble with that as she gets older! She is however, for the most part a happy baby and has been really good when we are out in public, which I’m so thankful for. I know it probably won’t last but…. fingers crossed. Every day with her is still the best day I’ve ever had! With each new chapter her and I encounter we will just embrace it and find joy in it…. living in the moment!

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First Birthday Pressures

My daughter turns 1 next week! hold on….WHAT? Even typing that sentence seems so bizarre to me. I flash back to dreaming of having a child one day; to thinking it would never happen to me; to finding out I was pregnant; to delivering her….Now it’s her first birthday! I simply can’t understand how fast time seems to fly by. We all have 24 hours a day so how can 24 hours sometimes feel like 24 seconds. I’m experiencing a flood of constant emotions that I feel daily. I’m sure I’m alone with any of the feelings going into her first birthday!

One thing I am struggling with is her actual birthday party that I have scheduled for next Saturday. I’m already finding myself frustrated with various things; and people. I’m nervous that it will be a complete disaster. Even the weather shows that it could rain EVERY DAY next week? Why????

I feel an enormous amount of pressure to make it look like an effortless event. Thank you pinterest and over achieving moms! Why do I put this kind of pressure on myself? My husband could care less what we do (not that he doesn’t care about her or her birthday but he doesn’t care about decorations, etc). Since my husband doesn’t really care about the theme, decorations, etc… he doesn’t give much input into the whole thing. That’s frustrating to me. I don’t know if it’s partly because my mom always threw great parties (nothing extravagant; just good parties with family mostly) and so I feel like I have to match those? She keeps asking me what I have planned so far. “um, nothing yet.” her reply… “you better start deciding”… yes mother I get that [flash forward to me telling my daughter the same thing…. that’s scary… I am my mother I know].

I was going to create this great theme with coordinating food and decorations…. but she’s turning 1! She’ll never remember this party. Does this thought make me a bad mother. Should I be going overboard with this birthday because it IS her first one, She’ll never have a first birthday again? UGH the struggle is real. I think I would rather use that money for future parties where she can actually truly participate in the fun. Therefore I have decided to just do a color theme and keep things on the simple side. That just worries me that it’ll be cheap looking or look half ass.

I never thought planning a birthday party would be so difficult. Guess I better stop talking about what I think I want to do or should do or could do…. and actually get stuff together! Wish me luck!

p.s. I wonder how many tears I will shed thinking that she is turning ONE!

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Happy Mother’s Day 

Yesterday was my first mothers day since my daughter was born.  I found it to be a very emotional day.

I’m so blessed to celebrate my first mothers day with my daughter. I don’t see this as a day for me but for her and I! Becoming a mother has been everything I expected and so much more. My heart is so full with love and I have found this peace and completeness in my soul that I wasn’t expecting. Before I had her the thought of dying meant that everything stopped there; my story is over. After having her, I don’t feel that way. She carries on my story and will continue on long after I’m gone. There is something very comforting in that. At the same time, having a child has made me realize how precious life is and that I hope to not miss a minute of her growing up. By becoming a mother I’ve discovered fears I didn’t know I had and a love that I just didn’t know existed. My lifetime simply isn’t enough to fully express what Carolina means to me. I love being able to spend all my days with her.

Becoming a mother also gives me a greater appreciation for my own mother and I thank her immensely for everything she had taught me. I have a great role model for motherhood.

I’ve mentioned before that being a mom is a lot of guess work and thinking on your toes… I may not always know the right thing to do but everyday I get up and try to be the best mom I can be and create memories that will last her and I a lifetime.

I spent the day with my daughter and I couldn’t imagine doing anything different. She makes every day so much fun. We didn’t do much but we spent the day as a family; which in the big scheme of things is the best gift/present I could get.

My husband took me to lunch and to get sushi of all things so I was very excited about that! I gorged myself on sushi and left ready for a nap; which all of us did! 🙂

While we were at lunch I could tell others were there celebrating mothers day as well. It hit me at that moment, that I was part of this ‘club’; the club of mothers. Yes, I have celebrated mothers day with my mom every year that I can remember…but this was the first time I got to experience it as a mother myself. In years past, especially after getting married and wanting a baby for so long, mothers day was more of a reminder that I wasn’t a mother. Selfishly it felt like a slap in the face in a way. That isn’t to say that I didn’t appreciate showing my mother some extra love and attention on mothers day, but if you have ever been in the position of wanting a child for so long and not thinking it was going to happen for you, holidays are hard. Especially holidays like mothers day, fathers day, etc.

Finally, I got my blessing and she is everything I prayed for. I think about her and I could cry such happy tears. I have thanked God every day since I found out I was pregnant and every day since she was born for her.

Her smile is everything! Her whole life lights up; and I hope she never loses that!

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To all the mothers, mothers to be, step moms, dads who play the moms role as well, everyone that cares for a child, I hope you had a great mothers day!